Not a good day today.  Flipper flipped out.  I really don’t know if it’s ADHD or SPD or just bad attitude.  Check that, I know it’s more than just a bad attitude.  Some days I have infinite patience, other days – like this day – I just can’t take it.

He spent most of the day trying to take over the TV so he could play video games.  “But I haven’t played ALL DAAAAAAAAAAAY!!”  Like it’s somehow unfair that occasionally has to actually wait for his turn, like it’s abuse if he doesn’t get on the games by 10am.

He got a note from the House Fairy today, she’s not impressed with how he hasn’t been cleaning his room.  So much for the “magic” of the House Fairy.  It worked for about two days.  He didn’t even mention to me that he got the note.

He played outside most of the day, his friend next door is finally off school.  That was great for him, the snow is deep and fluffy and apparently they made 43 forts.

But when he got inside, he was tired and fuzzy… fidgety and out of it.  I probably shouldn’t have insisted we do math then.  But it seemed like a good idea at the time, and he was willing.

Battles ensue.  He knows this stuff, it was review.  “But I don’t know HOW to divide, I haven’t done it in like THREE MONTHS!”  “Six divided by one is three.  It’s three!!!  See, I TOLD you I didn’t know how to divide!!”  “Where’d my pencil go?  YOU STOLE MY PENCIL!!”  (He was sitting on his pencil) “You TOLD me to write it that way!!” (said after writing his numbers very large, or invisibly small, or digging into the paper)  “Seven times seven is 48!  It’s logic!  See, 42 plus 7 is 48!   42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48…. 49.   Like I said, it’s 49!!  I never wrote 48 there, you’re LYING!”

Argh, that’s one of the most frustrating things… when he makes a mistake then insists that he never did, and that I am the one who is wrong, or lying, or hates him, or thinks he’s stupid.

He ended up in tears and yelling at me.  We had a long talk about how it’s okay to ask for help when you don’t understand something, rather than pretending to know the answer.  “But that will make me look STUPID!”  Uh, no.  The guy who doesn’t ask for help but pretends to understand, will continue to not understand and will actually BE stupid.  The guy who asks for help may momentarily look foolish, but he’s the one who will actually learn and therefore will be smart.

He seemed to understand this, he agreed with the explanation.  But… it’s not the first time we’ve had this talk.

Oh, and even more frustrating?  When he DOES know the right answer, but stubbornly insists that the wrong answer is still correct, or that he has no idea how to figure it out.  “You have a six and a one, what operation could you do to have the answer be six?”  This question not five minutes after he himself had smilingly informed me that anything times one is itself, a fact he has known literally for years.  “I don’t KNOW!  Nothing works!  I can’t ADD one, that doesn’t WORK!!”  “Remember, don’t limit yourself to + and – … “  “But I don’t know HOW to divide!!!”  “You don’t have to.  What’s left?”  “I can’t ADD one, that doesn’t WORK!!”

Oy vey.

“So where does 1/2 go on this number line?”  He places it perfectly.  “Great!  Now what about 1/4?”  “I can’t do 1/4!  It would go off the page!  There’s no four here!!!”  …. “Um, okay, a half means one divided into 2 pieces, right?  So a fourth means…. “  “What?  You’re not making any SENSE!!”  He eventually “remembers” what a fourth means and makes dividing lines on the number line, then labels 1/4 at the 3/4 line.  After that is corrected, he’s asked to label 3/4, which he does by writing 1/3.  Then fixes it to 3/1.

Now if I were reading this, I’d be thinking, “this is obviously a child who is being forced to do math which is way beyond him.  They should ease off and do something more basic, follow his needs.”  Or I’d be thinking, this is a 7-year-old.

Flipper is 10.  And he has understood multiplication since he was 6, and fractions since, oh, age 7 or 8, at least the basics.  And he has successfully completed a grade 6 math program, successfully meaning over 90% average.  This math is so very not beyond him.

Sometimes, I think he’s being stubborn — he makes an initial mistake, then refuses to admit it even after he’s realized what the right answer would be.  He thinks he’s saving face by never admitting he could possibly ever by wrong.  He thinks somehow he’ll make it right by insisting it’s right.

Sometimes, I think he’s deliberately sabotaging himself.  That on some level, he believes he is stupid and wants to fulfill the idea.  Or that he wants me to believe he is stupid and therefore insists on nonsense.  Maybe he thinks that if we all just accept that he’s stupid, he’ll be allowed to play video games all day.

Other times, I think his brain is somehow “stuck”, that he gets fixated on a particular answer, or on the notion that he doesn’t know how to solve something, and he just won’t budge from there.  He cannot settle down and logically reason an effective way to proceed.  He cannot think.

Neither scenario is a pleasant one, and I confess, many days I feel utterly helpless.  I’m frustrated and don’t know how to help him.

Other days, he’s fine… he’s sharp, on the ball, cooperative, giggles over his goofs and corrects them without the theatrics.  I just wish I knew how to turn days like today into days like that.

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